


You are My Sunshine

by nea1891



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Birth, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mpreg, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21749248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nea1891/pseuds/nea1891
Summary: Billy and Steve have a daughter, but not without some serious heartbreak. Can Billy forgive his mother and let her help him in a time he needs her most?——————————————————————————Plus, it wasn’t like he had had the best examples to learn from. Between his mother abandoning him, to his sorry excuse for a dad, Billy was happy to never pass along his whack genes. Sure his mother had fed him some bullshit line about “all the love” he had to share, but Billy knew the truth. Most of what he had to share was anger, and darkness and rage.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 17
Kudos: 186





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> New fic! Let’s see if I can finish this one :)

Billy had only once entertained the idea of one day becoming a father. He was ten, so the reality of what that meant was surely lost on him. But he supposed the concept was there. 

He and his mother had been at the beach. She had been smiling and laughing, waving at him proudly as he surfed the smaller waves the low tide brought at sundown. She wiped the sand from his face, tousled his hair, and they began their barefoot walk back to the dock. 

Along the way they past a picturesque family, sitting criss-cross on a beach towel, an umbrella shading them from the setting sun. A young man, a young woman, a small baby sat between them, wearing nothing but a diaper and a grin so contagious, Billy began to laugh as he pointed them out. 

“Look mom, a baby!” 

“I see. Very cute, but not as cute as you were!” She had said. 

“How do you get a baby?” Billy had asked, his mother chuckling as they continued on their way. 

“Well, first you fall in love. You’ll get one, one day Sunshine.” She stopped them there in the middle of the beach, kneeling down to eye level with her boy. “And you’ll be the best father there ever was, because you have so much love to give.” 

* * *

9 years, one month and six days later, Billy wasn’t so sure that was the case.

Steve was staring at him, wide eyes shining with tears, hands writhing in his lap, bottom lip bitten between his teeth. Pregnant. Steve was pregnant.

With his kid. Pregnant with Billy’s child. He and Steve Harrington, young and messed up and doing this  _ thing  _ had made a baby.  _ Fuck _ . 

It started like this: Billy realized that even with all the school he was missing (because being possessed by an otherworldly monster sort of shore your soul like the skin off a chicken, and no way was he going to deal with the bullshit that was Hawkins High), there were only so many times you could read ‘Little Women.’ (Sue him, ok? He liked the classics.) And Max had convinced Neil to buy them all a VHS player for Christmas. Pulled the whole “I almost died” sob story that Billy never dared try on his old man. He was actually a little impressed Max had the balls to use his potential death for her potential gain. 

So by mid summer 1987, Billy was bored out of his mind. Which started leading to some pretty dark thoughts. Luckily Max came home one day with a copy of  _ Adventures in Babysitting _ . Which Billy thought he would hate, but surprisingly didn't. And to his delight, one Steve Harrington was working the movie shop when Billy strolled in the next day to return it. 

“Hey Harrington. I didn’t know they made a documentary about you?” Billy had smirked as he slapped the tape onto the front desk. Steve had rolled his eyes, snatching the film and taking the stamp card out of the back of the case. 

“Very funny Hargrove. Still waiting for yours, I guess.  _ Adventures of an Asshole  _ is the working title, right? _ ”  _ And something in the way Steve’s eyes shone as he met Billy’s gaze made the blonde realize they were now on different territory here. 

Maybe it was the fact that Steve had destroyed Billy’s Camaro, the only thing he had ever loved in this life, with no remorse. Sure, Billy was like possessed and trying to murder a bunch of kids, but Steve could have a little regret. Billy liked that he didn’t. 

Or maybe it was how they could both easily share in the absurd trauma that came from battling creatures from another dimension. Or maybe, what it really was, was that Steve’s eyes were wide and engrossing, and Billy’s smile was sparkling and endearing, and it was inevitable that it end the way it did. 

So whatever it was, after a few weeks of constant video renting, and subtle touches, and pretty obvious flirting, it did end like this: Billy waiting for Steve to finish his solo shift, and lock the doors. Stalking across the store to pin the older boy against the counter. Spitting on his hand, and working him open, laying him flat on the ground, before finding himself sheathed with a feeling so opposite the only one he had been experiencing the past year, he was absolutely nauseous with it. But in a good way, like once you cross that line from buzzed to full-on drunk. 

It was easy. Simple. They didn’t have to really talk about it. It just happened. And happened again and again. And it felt like coming up for air after a wave knocked you under. It wasn’t just sex, even though Billy tried not to think about it too hard. But man, sliding into Steve, watching every little move his face made, hearing the noises pour out of his tight little mouth. Made Billy  _ shiver _ . His chest tightened so hard he couldn’t breathe in anything but  _ Steve _ .

This _thing_ was good. His future looked good too. Few weeks after he and Steve started their  _ thing _ , Billy got into UCLA to study English Lit. He was so excited he hadn’t put much stock into what would happen with Harrington after he left. Then again Billy was never really one to think beyond the present moment, and despite living and dying at the hands of the mind-flayer that really hadn’t changed. Everything was exactly how he had planned it all along; save up money, get the fuck back to California, live life however he wanted. 

So this kid thing, really came at him out of left field. Of course, he hadn’t expected, nor desired, to ever really be a dad, let’s be honest here. Because  _ fuck  _ that. Kids weren’t all that fun anyway; starting out useless and snotty. Then they turned into know-it-alls, like Erica, before becoming your worst nightmare. Not unlike one Maxine Mayfield. 

Plus, it wasn’t like he had had the best examples to learn from. Between his mother abandoning him, to his sorry excuse for a dad, Billy was happy to never pass along his whack genes. Sure his mother had fed him some bullshit line about “all the love” he had to share, but Billy knew the truth. Most of what he had to share was anger, and darkness and rage. 

When he and Harrington first started their... _ thing _ ....he really hadn’t given the knowledge that the other boy was a carrier a second thought. Because it was never going to happen. 

_ “Um...so...I’m on birth control…because...” Steve had gasped out as Billy kissed and nipped down his neck, sucking and licking bruises into the tender skin, shoving a stack of video tapes out of the way.  _

_ “Ok…” Billy had replied. “So, you’re on birth control. Sounds good to me,” tuning the rest of Steve’s confession out as he continued his way.  _

But now, three months out from the beginning of this  _ thing ( _ Billy should probably stop calling it that, seeing as how he’d gone and knocked up the boy in front of him), Billy was trying desperately to remember any shred of information from that initial conversation, remember what he said, how he felt about it, because it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

* * *

Billy’s brain short circuited. He had not one coherent thought rattling his brain. It was static. So he was just as surprised as Steve, if not more so, with the words that suddenly came tumbling out along with a vision of his mother all in white. 

“I love you.” Billy blurted in response to Steve’s confession. 

Steve opened his mouth, slack jaw, snapping it shut and opening it a few more times before finding a reply. 

“You...what?” He asked. 

“I love you. Like...totally in love with you.” Billy spit out gesturing wildly with his hands. “So stupid for you, it’s...it’s stupid. Fuck.”

Steve’s face morphed into a mile high grin, launching himself into Billy who sat across the Harrington couch. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Billy’s neck so tight, the younger boy almost groaned in protest, but then he was sobbing and Billy thought better of it. 

“Hey, babe. It’s ok. You don’t have to cry.” He said, hands gently rubbing circles into Steve’s back. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve said, muffled into Billy’s shoulders. “I was just so scared you were going to...that you…” 

“Was gonna bolt? Yeah, I figured I would have done that too.” Billy smirked. 

Steve fell into hysterical laughter at that, pulling back to stare into Billy’s eyes, tears dripping off his chin, face red, smile as bright as the moon. 

“I love you too.” Steve smiled deeper, before his face fell just as quickly, taking his hands off Billy to once again fold them in his lap. “But, this is a lot Billy. This is...life changing, and you didn’t ask for this, and I’m an idiot. I forgot my birth control, and I mean, I knew I should have like...payed more attention when I switched shifts and started sleeping later and like...I’m so stupid, and now…”

“I’m stupid too then. You were honest with me about forgetting. I didn’t exactly encourage us to be safe.” Billy shrugged, gripping Steve just a little tighter. 

Steve sniffed and nodded his head, still not quite meeting Billy’s eyes. Billy wasn’t sure what to say next. He wasn’t even sure exactly what it was he was feeling. He loved Steve, he had just confessed that he loved Steve, moments after he learned they were having a fucking baby. Billy was surprised that he wasn’t as angry as he had always thought he would be if he ended up in this situation. Sure, he was fucking terrified. But every time he thought of something worry-some or Neil’s bitter face clouded his head, he would just as quickly think of a baby,  _ their _ baby, maybe a chubby one, with big brown eyes and curly hair. 

He slowly lifted Steve’s chin with his finger, curly a hand around his jaw. “We made a baby, Steve.”    


Steve smiled at that, finally wiping away some of the tears streaming his face. “Yeah, we did.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His head had gotten even louder the past 24 hours. The moment Steve had uttered the words, Billy found himself literally drowning in sheer love for what was nothing but a clump of cells for fucks sake, and now he found himself so angry. How could his mother even entertain the thought of leaving him?

Billy startled awake, pounding at his door shaking it on its hinges. Despite waking up this way for as long as he could remember, Billy had never really settled into a feeling of calm expectation. Especially now, visions of shadows and fog occupying his dreams. He awoke each day terrified, his body jolting, breath panting, sweat forming along his temples until he realized exactly where he was. . 

“Wake up!” Neil screamed, a final hit to the door before he started thumping down the hallway.

Billy sighed heavily, closing his eyes tightly as he took in one final breath before he had to heave himself out of the warmth of his bed. He had resigned pretty quickly to the fact that Neil wasn’t going to treat him any different after everything. He hadn’t visited him in the hospital, hadn’t welcomed him home. Didn’t care one bit about being sensitive around Billy in any way. 

As evidenced by his continued use of his fist as an alarm clock. 

He sat up quickly, blinking the sleep from his eyes. As he adjusted to his surroundings, a wave of nausea overcame him suddenly. 

_Fuck._

Steve was pregnant. 

Billy shoved the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to rub the memory of last evenings conversation from his brain. He didn’t have time to dwell on it too much. At least not while in this house. Neil could not find out, so Billy did not have the luxury of freaking _out_. 

His knees creaked as he rose from the bed, just one of many side effects from the last Fourth of July. Another thing he tried not to dwell on; the pain certain parts of his body now always seemed to be in. His lower back, his shoulders. His stomach seemed to be in constant agony, he didn’t have the same appetite an 18 year old boy should. Probably all the fucking _bleach_ he drank, which he still didn’t understand. Doctors had told him how lucky he was to even still have a functioning stomach. 

He paused, as he reached for his jeans, at that thought. How fucked up his body now was. How the hell did his swimmers even still work? And Jesus Christ, what if somehow his DNA was all fucked up? He shuddered at the thought of Steve giving birth to some mutant amalgamation of bone and muscle. Like _The Fly._

Maybe he should call Dr Owens. 

He opened his door and wandered into the kitchen. Maxine wasn’t at the table which meant she was probably already gone, skating her way to one of the nerd brigades’ house. No wonder Neil’s face was more pinched up than usual, as he sat shoving spoonfuls of Susan's sorry excuse for oatmeal into his face. The old man hated that Max had nothing but _boys_ for friends, but he hadn’t tried much other than a few snide comments. Guy wasn’t stupid enough to turn on her long as he wanted to keep the misses around. 

Billy walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee. But before the rim of the mug even touched his lips, his dad cleared his throat. Here it comes. 

“Jim Olsen told me he saw you with that Harrington boy again.” Neil said through smacks of his lips, his eyes boring into Billy with that all too familiar glare. 

“Who?” Billy mumbled, as if he’d never heard the name Harrington in his life. He had long ago decided that playing meek around Neil only made things worse. Talking back got him just as bad a beating as giving in, so why even bother trying to appease him? They had had this same conversation twice already this summer, and Billy knew how it ended. It was just playing through their respective parts before Neil headed off to work. Just another breakfast at the Hargrove’s. 

But as he lowered the mug, peering over to finally take in his father's face, he realized that this time was different. 

Billy’s gripped the mug tighter, his heart beating a little faster, trying to figure out where this was heading. 

“The Harrington boy, what’s his name again?” Neil paused, scraping his spoon through the slop in his bowl, gaze never leaving Billy. “Seth?”

“Steve.” Billy sighed, leaning against the counter. He caught a glimpse of Susan as she tensed up in her seat beside Neil, ringing her hands over her own empty bowl. ‘Poor woman’, Billy thought before he remembered it was hard to have sympathy for someone who asked for it. As much as he hated his own mother for leaving, at least she had had the balls to get out. 

“Right…” Neil drawled out. “ _Steve”_ He drawled the name out, like the taste of it on his tongue was rotten.” He’s the boy that drives Maxine around right? The one in the fairy outfit.”

“Sailor outfit, dad” Billy sighed, setting his mug down to rub his hands down his face. “He works at the ice cream shop at the mall. They make him wear it.”

“No one makes you do anything” Neil snarled, pushing his bowl to the center of the table, putting his focus right on Billy. “So I’d like to know, after I have told you time and again, what are you doing hanging out with a faggot like that?”

“Dad, come on…”

“You wait until I finish speaking to you!” Neil yelled, a finger now pointing straight at Billy. “I thought I told you; rich fucks like him, they only want something from you. Never work hard a day in their life. A real man...”

Billy did not have time for this. His old man was getting dangerously close to hitting a nerve; or in this particular case, Billy’s heart. A primal instinct overtook him, the sense that Neil’s usually bullshit may fuel something dangerous this time around. He wasn’t going to let Steve get caught in this mess. 

“A real man, what dad? Hauls the rich fucks trash? Didn’t realize there was so much dignity in cleaning up other people’s garbage..” Billy snapped, turning to put his empty mug in the sink. Maybe if he acted like it wasn’t that big of a deal, it wouldn’t be. Maybe his dad wouldn’t become even more upset that Billy had decided to be a smart ass. 

Maybe not. 

The table shuttered with a pound of Neil’s fist. He jutted his finger once again towards Billy, oblivious, or maybe uncaring, that he was dangerously close to poking his wife’s eye out with it. 

“Listen here boy!. Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again. I work to put food on your table, a roof over your head. I refuse to listen to you…”

“Look, I’m sorry ok? Is that what you want to hear? I don’t even hang out with him that often. Kids an...idiot.” Billy sighed, the bite usually behind it missing. He swallowed harshly, hoping to quell the churning of his gut at that, guilt swelling in his throat. This was supposed to be the same song and dance, get his dad off the trail. But all Billy wanted to do was dive across the table and break his fathers fucking nose. He heaved another sigh, however, and recited his usual line, holding back the desire to take this even further. 

“His old man rides his ass because all he does is scoop ice cream. I’m tutoring him, helping him with his college admissions essay.” Which technically wasn’t a lie, although now Billy figured Steve wouldn’t be pursuing college anytime soon. 

“Better be all you’re doing with him. I thought queers like that only lived in San Diego. Don’t need you around his influence.”

“Sure thing pop. Don’t give yourself an aneurysm.” Billy said as he pushed himself off the counter, walking around the table towards his room. Neil shot up, blocking Billy from moving any further. He grabbed him by the jaw, chin between forefinger and thumb, forcing the boy to look right in his eyes. 

“I hear about you hanging around that boy, so much as hear his name in this house, or God forbid _see_ you with him, I swear to god. I promise you won’t like how it ends.”

Billy puffed his chest out, surprised at the sheer level of rage boiling in his stomach. He had always been possessive of Steve, now his entire body vibrated with it. 

_Fuck Neil_ . Billy knew it wasn’t exactly an empty threat, with what had happened back in Cali. So fuck if Billy was going to let anything happen to Steve now, _their_ baby.

Billy shoved his father back. “You ain’t got nothing on me old man. Not anymore. And I think you know that. Found out the world can be a lot scarier than _you._ And you got only about four more weeks to treat me like a bug under your shoe.” 

Neil snarled reaching for Billy, who was too quick, ducking and slowly backing down the hallway, hands up in surrender before he found himself pointing his own finger toward his father. 

“So you so much as breathe on Steve Harrington, you’ll regret it. After all, you didn’t raise a pussy for a son.”

Billy sped back down the hallway, shoved past Neil, snatching his coat off the hook by the door, slamming the screen behind him. Thankfully Neil didn’t come after him, probably knowing it’d make him late for work. Billy slammed himself into the seat of the Camaro, feeling the focused heat of his fathers glare as he watched him from the doorway. Before he could think twice about it, Billy shoved his middle finger toward the windshield, refusing to glance back as he rolled out of the driveway. 

* * *

It didn’t hit him what he’d done until he was halfway to Steve’s. He started laughing, got manic with it, slamming his hands onto the steering wheel, howling as he sped down the road. He was giddy; hadn’t really thought about how he was going to end things with the old man, surprised with how anticlimactic the entire thing had actually been. He felt high. All of his money was in the glove box, the only possessions he truly cared about hanging around his neck and wrist. He wasn’t sure what his next move would be, but he was free. 

Fuck. He was shaking by the time he made it up to Steve’s stoop. All he truly had in this world was beyond that door. And that thought was downright terrifying. 

Steve answered still in his pajamas. His face was green, his eyes sunken. Billy bit back a laugh at Steve’s hair, it’s usual morning bird’s nest. 

“Hey.” He croaked, leaning heavily against the door frame. 

Billy gently pushed Steve back inside, shutting the door behind him, the realization that Steve was clearly not feeling well calming Billy’s own stress. The brunette looked like an absolute wreck. He had goosebumps along his pale arms, moving to hug himself around his waist. He was unsteady on his feet as he stared at Billy with a vague look of recognition. Billy realized then not only was it still only around 8 in the morning, but that Steve was probably as sick as a dog. 

He wrapped his arms around Steve, burying his face in the other boys neck. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” He whispered, moving to rub his fingers through Steve’s hair. 

“Yeah, but it’s ok. Have...have work at 10.” Steve mumbled, breathing in deep.

Billy pulled back, moving to push a strand of hair out of Steve’s face. “Maybe call in? I’m sure Robin can handle it.”

“But it’s Tuesday.” Steve whined. “Kids from the summer soccer league always come in after practice. She’ll be swamped.”

Billy glared at Steve for a moment. “Babe, you look like death warmed over.”

“I’ll be ok. Only puked twice this morning.” Steve smiled shyly. Billy rolled his eyes at that. 

“Jesus. How long has that been going on?”

“A week maybe? Was kind of my first clue.” Billy sighed heavily, making the decision before Steve could protest. He bent down and swept Steve off the ground, arms under his knees and around his shoulders. Steve made a noise of surprise before instinctively wrapping his arms around Billy’s neck. 

“What are you doing?” He laughed, snuggling closer into Billy’s grip despite it. 

“Taking you to bed. Where you’ll stay. I’ll call Robin. I assume she knows?”

“About the baby?” Billy nodded as he reached the landing. “Yeah...she hates you even more now.”

Billy huffed a laugh. “I’m sure she does. Remind her she’s out of the running for God-mother.”

Billy laid Steve down on the bed carefully, pulling the covers over him and tucking him in, pushing the blankets under Steve’s arms and legs. Steve hummed as he settled back into his mountain of pillows. 

“Ok.” Billy said, clapping his hands, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I have today off, so whatever you want. You hungry? I can do soup? Could even bring the TV up here?” 

Steve smiled wide, blinking sleepily up at Billy. “Wow, if I had known all it took for you to treat me this way was to have your kid, I would have had you knock me up a long time ago.”

Billy huffed a laugh as he crawled over Steve to lay on his stomach beside him. “Just want you to be comfortable.” He mumbled into the mattress, peeking to look at Steve. He reached out to wrap an arm around Steve’s stomach. 

“I don’t think I will be for another 9 months.” Steve settled his gaze towards his stomach, placing his hand over Billy’s. “It’s still so surreal.” He turned to better face the younger boy. “Are we idiots for doing this?”

“Doing what?” Billy hummed. 

“Having a baby at 18?” Steve whispered as if it were a secret he had yet to tell Billy. 

“Nah. My folks did it, yours too right?”

“That’s kind of my point. I mean...no offense but. Look how that turned out.” 

Billy sighed and moved to thread his fingers through Steve’s hair once again before gently pulling his face closer so their foreheads touched. 

“I won’t take that personally.” He smiled, kissing Steve’s nose before the other boy tried to defend himself. “We will never be like them, ok?”

Steve closed his eyes, tears starting to form. “But how do you know?” Billy held Steve a little tighter, waiting for him to finish his thoughts. “I mean...like I know you would never...be like… _him..._ but...we don’t really have much to...look up to, you know?”

“So we’ll make it up as we go. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared out of my fucking mind…” Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Billy put a finger over his lips to silence him. “But...realized this morning when Neil started his usual shit how much I’m already so in love with this baby, Steve. So in love with you.” He brought his gaze up to meet Steve’s, catching the wide doe eyes that never failed to soothe him. 

“I want to try. I know...I can be better. Have to be. Pretty sure I can’t go home, so...need to find a better job…”

“What do you mean you can’t go home? What happened?”

“Nothing much, honest. Notice the significant lack of shiner.” Billy smirked, pulling back to show Steve both sides of his face. Steve glared at him with his typical _mother hen_ look, as Max liked to call it. Billy couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of seeing that face a lot more in the future. 

“It’s fine. I can stay here? Your parents won’t be back for a while, right?. I’ll cover food, and stuff. Had to happen eventually. I’m actually really happy it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Besides, we’re leaving in a few weeks anyway. ”

“We?” Steve whispered delicately. 

“Yeah, pretty boy. What, you think I’m going to let you stay here scooping ice cream your whole life?”

“Haven’t really thought about it. Leaving Hawkins is…”

“I’m not bailing on UCLA Steve. Especially now. What, you think we’ll make enough money with the both of us scraping by with high school diplomas. Our kid deserves more than that.”

Steve nodded solemnly, tears big enough now to streak down his cheeks. “I know...just...how am I supposed to leave my friends? The kids?”

Billy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The kids. As much as Billy wanted to be pissed at what a sap Steve was, he admired it. He understood how difficult such a decision must be. But there was no way Billy was staying in Hawkins, and there was no way in hell he was leaving without Steve. 

“Steve if we stay here, Neil will make our life a living nightmare. I want our kid as far away from him as possible. At least...right now. Get our feet under us. I’m not saying we can’t ever come back...but…”

Steve started really crying then, sniffly like a snot nosed kid. Billy wrapped both arms tighter around him, letting him sob into Billy’s neck as he stroked his shoulders carefully. 

“I’ve ruined our whole lives!” Steve hiccuped.Billy closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. Leave it to Harrington to be so dramatic. 

“You didn’t ruin anything, Christ Steve.”

“I did though!” He panted, voice muffled by Billy’s shoulder. “You can’t have a baby and go to college, do you have any idea how hard that’s going to be? And what, I’m supposed to do what? Make minimum wage? How are we going to afford daycare, or an apartment or diapers. Do you know how often a baby shits? I looked it up. It’s insanity.”

Billy chuckled deeply, drawing Steve closer breathing in the scent of his strawberry shampoo. He let Steve cry some more, rubbing circles into his back, gathering his thoughts before he spoke up. 

“Ok, yeah. The kid is gonna shit, _a lot._ And cry, and puke and be a real pain in the ass. But...but it’s also going to laugh, and learn to walk, and talk, and we can help it learn all about the world. It’s gonna be a _person_ Steve, and we made it. We’ll figure it out, we’ll have to. It’s going to be really fucking hard, but...can’t be worse than a Russian with a bone saw or a monster made of human flesh, right.”

He could feel Steve’s smile grow wide against his skin, before he rolled out from Billy’s grip to look him in the eyes. “Well, I don’t know about that” Steve smiled. “Maybe I’d take the bone saw over baby vomit. That stuff is disgusting.”

“You’re ridiculous, and I love you.” Billy replied, leaning to give him a peck on the lips. “Sleep? I’ll call Robin and be here if you need me?” 

Steve nodded his head, snuggling back into the bed. Billy kissed him again, slow and sweet, running his tongue gently into Steve’s mouth before pulling back. He laughed at Steve’s lips following to meet his again. 

“Sleep. I mean it.” 

“What if I need _help_...falling asleep. Like...maybe I need you to tire me out.” Steve said, a mischievous look on his face.

“I think that is what got us here in the first place, Pretty Boy.” Billy said as he scooted off the bed. He met Steve’s childish pout with another laugh. 

“Seriously, just rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Steve nodded again, closing his eyes, pulling the covers up over his head. Billy took care walking out of the room and downstairs, settling on a stool in the kitchen. 

* * *

He could call Buckley now, get it over with. But as he glanced at the clock on the kitchen stove, he realized he had at least a few more minutes to gather his thoughts. He really didn’t feel like dealing with Robin’s taunts and general bitchiness. He knew, when it came down to it, she didn’t really hate him. But she had never been the most supportive of he and Steve’s...whatever. He was sure she would have a lot to say now. 

Biting his nails, and spinning in his seat for another ten minutes, Billy decided to just do it, snatching the phone and dialing the number he would never admit he had memorized. Steve spent a lot of time at Robins, alright? Wasn’t like he actually _cared_. 

“Hello?” Robin answered, her usual snark bright and focused for so early in the morning. 

“Ahhh, hey. It’s Billy.”

“What the hell do you want..good job knocking my boy up, by the way asshole. Ever heard of a condom?”

“Surprised you even know what that is Buckley. What with being a…”

“A dyke? Real original.”

“I didn’t call to get read the riot act ok? Steve’s not feeling well, so he’s not coming to work. Thought I would be kind enough to let you know.”

“Jeez, how thoughtful. You know what would have been even more thoughtful? Not getting Steve pregnant…” 

Billy sighed deep, trying to find words he felt were...what was the word Steve was always saying...diplomatic, instead of...rash. “Look...you can be pissed at me all you want, but it takes two to tango.”

“Uh huh. That is true, but I know what it meant to Steve. And there is a huge difference between fucking someone and raising a kid with them…”

“I know that!” Billy said, exasperated at the fact he was having this conversation, any conversation really, with Buckley since they all went like this, at 9 in the morning. 

“And I know that you’re like, gonna be kickin it in California or whatever, I assume so you can go back to wearing no shirts and just be an overall gross excuse for a human being but Steve deserves better…” 

“He does!” Billy exclaimed, trying to find an in to defend himself from Robin’s verbal onslaught. 

“And Steve doesn’t really have many prospects, at least right now. He’s not stupid, like he thinks he is, but he probably really shouldn’t have a kid at 18, but he’ll be the best dad, and we can’t really say that about you, can we...and…”

“I love him!” Billy said, heart pounding in his ears, the sudden silence from the other end of the phone humming like a drill bit through his skull. He could hear Robin breathing so she hadn’t hung up. He cradled the phone between his shoulder and ear so he could go back to biting his nails. 

What an idiot, giving up all his cards in one go. 

Finally Robin replied. “You...love him?”

“Yes. I love him.” 

“As in, _in_ love with him?”

“Yes.” 

“Like, butterflies in your stomach, drink the poison, fall on a sword for him, love him?”

“Jesus Christ, you theater kids are so ridiculous. Yes. I love him, ok. And our kid. I know I’m a shithead, you think I’m this good looking, and this smart, and I don’t realize what a douche I can be? I have some semblance of self awareness Buckley.”

“Ok...so...it’s just that simple huh? You do realize you aren’t just a douche, but you have been a royal dick to Steve these past few months, right? I’m supposed to believe just like that you’re changed? What makes me think you’re not gonna ditch him?”

Billy wasn’t sure what to say to that. Steve had expected him to do that; hell he had expected he would have done that. But he hadn’t, and he was here, and he hadn’t really thought about why that was. Sure he was terrified, sure it was going to be hard. His entire life as he knew it was going to be completely different than he had ever imagined. It fucking sucked to be honest...but...he wasn’t going to leave. He couldn’t because...

“Because I know what that feels like, ok? And I won’t do that to my kid.”

He could hear Robin inhale sharp, before there was another painfully long moments of silence. Quietly she said, “....your mom?”

“Yep” Billy said, popping the p. Hadn’t expected to be having this conversation. “I was ten.”

Robin hummed thoughtfully. Billy had half a mind to just hang up, but then she was clearing her throat. “I was...was 6. My dad. Real cliche about it too, went to get cigarettes.”

“Consider yourself lucky. My mom was a lot more dramatic about it. Promised to take me with her. Never saw her again.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m over it. But...let’s just say I don’t think any kid should go through that. I’ll be honest, Buckley. If I’d knocked Steve up before...before all that shit with the Mind Fucker..”

“ _Flayer_.” Billy groaned. He refused to use any of those nerd’s stupid cartoon names. Shit was a lot more serious than that. 

“ _Fucker.”_ He stressed.”Fucked me up worse than any mommy issues, trust me. But if I’d been faced with this...before that? You’d bet ‘your ass I would have already hightailed it as far from Hawkins as possible. But...then again…”

“You wouldn’t have gone after Steve in the first place?” He could hear the smirk in Robin’s voice. 

“Probably not. I made mistakes, ok? I know that. But...I’m not going to abandon my kid. Or Steve. I have a real shot here, Robin. To have a family. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a part of your fucked up little Brat Pack.. I...I don’t think I really ever will be. Now, I get to have something that’s mine.”

“Look, I know that what you went through was fucked up. And I can’t imagine. But you aren’t as alone as you think? Steve? I know you know he doesn’t sleep at night. I know you understand when he jumps at loud noises, or sees a dog on the street, you know why he freaks. You aren’t alone. So don’t put that kind of pressure on Steve or your kid. Just...just be a good dude, ok. That’s all I want.”

Billy expressed his agreement, feeling the conversation had run its course, thanking Robin for covering for Steve and hanging up before he spewed any more emotional bullshit. 

* * *

He stood by the phone for a few moments, collecting his thoughts, suddenly feeling just...exhausted. 

He went to the living room, fell on the large leather couch. He folded his arms across his chest, trying to relax into the cushions. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would find him so he could escape his feelings for a while. 

He hadn’t spoke about his mother in a long time. Not even to Steve. Steve had asked once, after a particularly intimate round of sex, fueled by a lot of vodka and a feel rounds with his old man. 

_“She's not around. Not much else to know.”_

Steve hadn’t brought it up since, clearly understanding that it was one of the last things Billy wanted to talk about. 

Billy sat up a little, letting his head thud against the arm of the couch. He groaned into his hands, pulling his eyelids and lips down, nails scraping his face. A vision, _that_ vision, of his mother in white had wormed its way in his head, as it had been a lot the last few months, ever since that weird little friend of Max’s had _read his fucking mind_. Another fucked up thing he tried not to think about knowing. 

Billy hadn’t let himself dive too deep into the knowledge that it was a memory of his mother that had saved his life. Not with how much she had basically ruined his entire life. Yeah, he had been happy as a kid. Because he was a fucking kid, naive and trusting and clearly happy with any adult that didn’t settle their anger with a kick to the ribs. 

_Fuck_ . He had been over this shit. The monster he had become dredged all that up again, and he still failed to see the point. Sure he had gotten a second chance at life, whatever; but he was fucking _pissed_ that he owed it all to Lily Hargrove. Because she didn’t deserve the privilege. 

His head had gotten even louder the past 24 hours. The moment Steve had uttered the words, Billy found himself literally drowning in sheer love for what was nothing but a clump of cells for fucks sake, and now he found himself so _angry_. How could his mother even entertain the thought of leaving him? With fucking Neil Hargrove of all people? How could she do that if she loved him at all? 

Billy was going to be the best dad their ever was even if it fucking killed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

“Watch the interior shitbird.” Billy hissed as Max threw her backpack into the Camaro. Her friend….El…. creepily stared at him with wide eyes from the backseat. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the girl, she was alright. Clearly had a more fucked up childhood than he ever had. But it was still hard to wrap his mind around all that he had learned, about monsters, and parallel universes, and little girls with psychokinetic powers. She was a constant reminder of darkness he didn’t want to be reminded of.

Max rolled her eyes before situating herself in the passenger seat, making a show of glaring at Billy as she ever so gently shut the door.

“You’re such a dick Billy. It’s just a car.” She said, and Billy cringed, fearing the redhead was just going to get to be even more of a pain as she aged.

“Pfft, one day when you work hard and own something this precious, you’ll apologize for that.” Billy replied, throwing the car into reverse and making his way down the barely defined path away from Hoppers cabin.

Billy had gotten a pretty hefty settlement from what he assumed was the US government or some shit, some of which he put into fixing up the Camaro. He theoretically could have just bought a brand new one, but this was the only thing he had from Cali, besides the necklace around his neck and the bracelet circling his wrist. It was the first thing he’d saved up for and he had a lot of memories in this car. It was worth putting money into it, and he still had quite a bit left over. Just enough actually to pay for four years of school. He tried to focus on the positives being possessed had come with, at least now he wasn’t going to be in debt.

Steve had gotten decent change too. More than Nancy and Johnathan, and the kids even, he had confided in Billy; he assumed because he had literally almost been murdered by enemies of the state. Steve was 18 so he hadn’t had to tell his parents, but he did because he’s an idiot. Went along with the story they all were to follow, that he had survived a fire. In true Harrington fashion they hadn’t even questioned it, despite their son looking like he had gone a few rounds with Rambo.

Steve had told Billy he handed over the check because his parents were “smart” about money, they’d invest it for him or something.

But Billy knew the truth, one thing he actually sort of agreed with Neil on; rich people are rich because they never let money slip through their fingers. Billy put a bet that Steve would never see that money, especially now that he’d gone and gotten pregnant by some white trash fuck up.

“So where am I taking your Royal Highness today?” Billy drawled, pulling out of the woods and onto the road.

“Well El needs to go to the library, and then you can take us to the mall.” Max said, leaning to pop open the glove box to rummage through Billy’s tapes.

Billy sighed. “Look, I know that I haven’t done much to make you think otherwise, but I’m not your personal chauffeur. Pick one or the other. I didn’t have to get you today, you know. I don’t live at home anymore.”

“What else do you even have to do? Stare at yourself in the mirror?” Max said casually, pulling out the Wham! tape Steve had mixed in, against Billy’s wishes of course.

El laughed at that. Billy turned to glare at her but she kept the same knowing smile on her face.

“You laugh at jokes.” She replied, with that slow, unsure speech. Billy heaved a sigh before starting in again.

“Why do you even want to go to the mall? Doesn’t that shit freak you out?”

Max shrugged her shoulders, pushing the tape into the deck. “All the bad shit is gone, El says so. Plus they rebuilt Claire’s to be like, five times as big as before.”

Billy took a moment to think it over. He really didn’t have much to do, besides start packing up some of his and Steve’s stuff. Most of his clothes had accumulated at the Harrington house over the past several months. And Billy found himself surprisingly fine with leaving most of his shit at Neil’s for him to deal with. Steve had a lot of nice shit they planned to take, since they were about 99% sure his parents would never notice.

And if Billy really was honest with himself, he was going to miss the little brat sitting next to him. He was worried about leaving her behind; Neil had never tried anything, yet anyway. And he was happy that she had a lot of friends to look after her. All of that said, it was probably going to be at least a few years before he came back to Hawkins, and he doubted Neil would let Max fly all the way out to visit.

“Fine. I’ll drop you off at the library and pick you up again after a couple hours.”

“No.” El said, louder this time. Billy pinched his nose between his fingers in exasperation. He did not have time for this shit.

“No? Listen kid…”

“El just means…” Max said, turning to smile at the other girl, “We don’t want to just be dropped off. We want you to come with.”

Billy’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Hopper says El needs to read more, which I personally think is stupid. She reads Wonder Women every week.”

“Hop says I need ...need cul...ture. Culture. Other than comics.” El said more emphatically.

“Ok so why doesn’t he take her?” Billy asked. He wasn’t about babysitting his sister, let alone El. He didn’t even know where to start with the girl.

“He works Billy, jeez. Plus, like you’re a nerd about that stuff so I figured you could help El pick out some good books.” Max said.

Billy blinked a few times, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Max had gotten him there; he was a real sucker when it came to reading. And while he would like to think he had other things to do...he really didn’t.

“First off, if you want me to tag along with you shitheads, don’t call me a nerd. ’m a connoisseur of quality literature. Second, we aren’t staying there more than a half hour, and I am NOT going to the mall.” Billy said, pointedly.

“Your loss. Steve will be there.” Max said dreamily, turning to bat her eyelashes at Billy. 

“And what makes you think I want to see Harrington that bad, that I’d step foot in that hellhole?”

“Because you looooveee him.” Max said, clutching her hand to her chest.

El giggled, mimicking Maxes movements. “And...Steve is your.. Mike, right?” She asked hesitantly.

Max laughed, shaking her head at El. “What the fuck does that mean?” Billy asked.

“Mike is El’s...well they’re broken up today. But he’s her boyfriend.” Max explained.

“Mike says we are more than that. We are...soulmates.” El said, Billy catching her face beaming in his rear view mirror

“Kid you’re like 12, so you’re not soulmates. And, Steve...he isn’t...we’re not...I don’t….love him.” Billy said with a pointed stare towards the redhead beside him. Even though he did, and Billy cringed slightly at the lie. In reality, he wouldn’t mind Max knowing. She knew he wasn’t living at home, clearly saw how he at least looked at the brunette. She was smart enough to accurately deduce he was pretty far gone for the boy, although Billy thought he was pretty obvious to begin with. But any chance of things getting back to Neil, no way. Especially seeing as how Max had ruined things for him back in California. Granted she was a little older now, and probably learned her lesson...but still...

“But you’re having a baby. Hop says only people in love have babies.” El interrupted, like it was no big fucking deal.

Billy slammed the brakes at that; luckily they were still pretty far out in the boonies, and no one was behind them. Max whipped her head between El and Billy, eyes as big as saucers. And then all hell broke loose.

“What the hell does she mean Billy?! El what do you mean?!”

“Max…” Billy mumbled.

“I knew you and Steve were together! You got him pregnant? You’re so stupid! Neil’s going to kill you!”

“Max, I swear to God, shut up…”

“Is that where you live now? With Steve? Is he going with you to California?!” The young girl turned to face her friend. “El! Why would you say that? Billy, you’re such an idiot…”

“Enough!” Billy screamed, his entire body now shaking uncontrollably. He turned to face Max and caught a glimpse of El, eyes filling with tears.

“Fuck!” He pulled the car over, slamming it into park. He sat still for a few breathes, running his hands over his shortened hair. His voice trembling. Steve’s voice rang in his head. _Diplomatic_. Christ.

“El….” He started out slowly. “How...how...do you know...what you said…”

“I’m sorry!” She wailed, burying her head in her hands.

“El, did you...were you spying again?” Max whispered, reaching out to grip her friends hand.

The girl nodded her head slowly, face still covered. Billy slammed his head into his seat, groaning.

“Max, What the fuck is wrong with your friend?”

“Nothing is wrong with her Billy! She just..” Max turned back to face El again, prying her hands from her face. “El, you’re not supposed to spy on people anymore, remember?”

“I know. But...I...I worry sometimes. About...about my friends. Want to make sure they are safe.”

“Mmm not your friend kid.” Billy mumbled through gritted teeth.

“He doesn’t mean that El, do you Billy?” Max punched her brother in the arm. He heaved another sigh, rolling to face his sister.

“I just...fuck Max! Fuck!” He let his head fall into his open palms, taking another few deep breathes. After he felt some of the rage settle in his fingers and toes, rather his chest, he sat up straight and turned so he was facing both teens.

He pointed his finger at them, wincing when he realized what he was doing, lowering it and instead putting all of his energy into his glare.

“Either if you say another word about this, I swear to God. This shit is serious. Like life or death serious. This isn’t some romance movie or bullshit board game alright? This is my life. And this never leaves this car. You understand?”

El and Max nodded their heads quickly, El wiping the tears from her face with a flat palm. 

“Say you understand!” Billy yelled, the irony not lost on him as his words settled with Max.

“We understand.” They whispered.

“You fucking better.” Billy said, turning the car back on the road.

The car was silent for two Wham! songs, Billy finding his breathing evening out. Guilt settled in his stomach, flaring up with each sniff El let out. Fuck. Billy hated how angry he got, particularly at the kids. As obnoxious and nosey as they could be, they meant well. And after all, they all had saved his life. Especially El. He heaved a heavy sigh, refusing to make eye contact with either of them.

“We’ll go to the stupid library.” He finally said.

El and Max high fived and then it was as if nothing had happened. Thankfully the tension filled silence was ended, and Max and El began talking animatedly the remainder of the drive.

* * *

As they pulled into the library parking lot, Max turned to Billy. 

“I’m gonna be an aunt!” She squealed, opening the door and barreling out before Billy could say anything about it.

Billy had never set foot in the Hawkins Library, assuming like any other hick town the selection was limited. He got most of his books from thrift shops or the Waldens in Indianapolis. Because fuck Starcourt Mall.

“Ok, what do you want to get?” He said as soon as they crossed the threshold.

“She doesn’t know Billy. That’s why we’re here.” Max whined.

“Well what does she like?”

“I don’t know. Superheroes?”

“God damn, alright kid. We’re going to get you some actual shit to read.” Billy shoved them both aside and began walking towards the fiction section. Max yelled after him.

“It can’t be too hard though, El...El reads really good! But she’s still…”

“Still learning.” El finished.

Billy gestured with his hands. “Well that’s really all I know Max, I don’t read kiddie shit.” He winced again after making eye contact with a clearly panicked El.

Max tapped her chin with her finger, as if she were in truly deep thought.

“What about that book you’re always reading? The one with the drawings?”

Billy had no idea what she was talking about, staring at his sister for a few moments, jutting out his face as if to say ‘what the hell are you talking about.’ Then it hit him.

“Breakfast of Champions?” He asked quizzically.

“I don’t know what its called. The one you keep in the living room. It has pictures, I’ve looked through it.”

“Max, that is Vonnegut. I don’t even understand Vonnegut half the time. It’s not a kids book.”

“Has drawings…”

Billy glared at his sister, before shoving past her towards the Children’s Section. The room was a lot bigger than Billy thought it would be, which he figured was good. Lots to choose from. He let his eyes roam the shelves for a bit, trying to think of any kids book that were decent. He had graduated to chapter books pretty early on, and hadn’t kept up with any of the newer stuff. Then his eyes fell on a display by the window, focusing in on the book in the center.

He walked over and grabbed it, turning around to find Max and El right behind him.

“Jesus Christ...ok. Here.” He shoved the book towards El.

“Charl...Char-lee…”

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Billy said, moving around the two to stomp towards the front desk. Billy introduced El to the librarian behind the counter, and decided to head out to have a smoke while he waited for them to get her a card and check out the book.

He leaned against the brick building, doing his best to let the tobacco calm his fried nerves. He closed his eyes and inhaled, snapping his eyes open when once again a vision of his mother clouded his mind. He pounded the wall behind him, shoving the cigarette between his teeth with a huff.

His mother had taken him to the library almost every other day back in Cali. He assumed to get away from Neil. He hadn’t really thought about her while visiting a library or reading a book in a long time, and yet again, here he was, unable to get her out of his head. He decided out of all the shitty side effects that had come with the Mind Fucker, his mommy issues coming to the surface was by far the most frustrating. He tossed his cigarette to the ground and snuffed it out with his boot, trying to think of anything but his mother and her long, beautiful hair, her laugh, her soft hand in his as she led him down the aisle of books. He turned and kicked the wall with a grunt.

Luckily El and Max finally came barreling out, all smiles. Least now they could leave. Billy didn’t say anything to them as they climbed into the car. Halfway to the mall, Max spoke up.

“Is that book any good? Or did you just grab it because it was the first one you saw.”

“All books are worth reading, Maxine. But no, it’s a good book.”

“Never read it.” She said absentmindedly, once again rummaging through his stack of tapes.

“Well, that’s because your mom cares more about her hair than anything intellectual.” Billy snapped.

Thankfully Max just turned to glare at Billy, rather than give in and start another argument.

As they pulled into the mall, Billy felt a cold shiver run through his body. He parked as far away from the entrance as he could, refusing to give the sprawling building the satisfaction of his attention.

As Max climbed out of the Camaro, and put the seat forward to help El, she leaned further in.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“Nope. I’ll wait here.”

“Billy, come on.”

“No way.”

“Steve is here!” Max sing-songed. She stared right into Billy’s eyes. “And I’m sure he would love to hear all about El’s secret...”

“You’re a fucking little bitch, you know that?” Billy huffed, climbing out of the car. Max and El shared a smile, before locking arms and determinedly skipping toward the mall.

Billy didn’t realize that his body was capable of generating so much sweat. Once he caught up with Max, his breathing quickened and his chest tightened. Before it even registered he was reaching for and gripping her hand. She squeezed it tight, luckily keeping her snarky mouth shut. The mall, thankfully, looked a lot different than before. The renovations, less flashy and bright. Billy could not believe he was doing this, trying his best to take measured breathes with each step. 

He had begged Steve not to return to Scoops Ahoy; after all, why would any of them ever want to willingly spend time in this place? But Robin had convinced him otherwise, some bulllshit about ‘exposure therapy’, and the enticement of 5 whole cents more an hour than Family Video. Billy thought Steve just liked being objectified in the stupid uniform.

The girls beelined for the ice cream shop, Billy relaxing a little at the sight of Steve behind the counter, alive and well. His back was to them, talking to Robin who was leaning out of the back room’s window.

“Steve!” Max exclaimed, running with El in tow up to the counter. Steve turned around, smile bright and friendly, despite obviously still feeling sick. Billy could tell by the bags under his eyes.

“Ahoy ladies! What can I get…” his voice faltered as his gaze fell to Billy.

“Leaving you speechless as always pretty boy.” Billy tried to quip, shoving his hands in his pockets, curling in a little to make himself smaller.

“Gag me.” Robin moaned, as she ducked back into the break room.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked, walking around the counter to stand in front of the other boy.

“Little shits blackmailing me.” Billy said, gesturing with his head towards Max and El.

“We are not!” Max exclaimed.

“You did a little.” Billy grumbled, moving to stand even closer to Steve. Feeling his body heat helped him even his nerves a bit.

“Not our fault! You’re the idiot that got Steve…” Max clamped a hand over her mouth, El wide eyed beside her.

“Got Steve...what?” Steve said wearily, eyes widening and moving to stare at Billy questioningly.

Billy let his shoulders relax a bit, he didn’t have the energy to really defend himself, or argue with the girls. Cat was out of the bag. “They know.” He shrugged.

“You told them?!” Steve hissed.

“No I didn’t tell them. El did the thing...with her mind.” Billy said, circling his temple with his hand.

“El!” Steve said, turning to face the girl.

“It’s ok Steve! We won’t tell anyone, we swear it!” Max said, pulling El closer to her side. “Besides, I’m so excited! I’m gonna be the coolest Aunt.” She ran up and wrapped her arms around Steve, who reluctantly returned the affection, lips curling up a little as Max squeezed him tighter. Then the girl inhaled sharply, pulling away from Steve to turn and face her older brother.

“Oh! Billy, let’s go look at baby stuff!” She said, El smiling wide and nodding eagerly in agreement.

“No way. If my dad heard I was shopping for baby…”

“Relax. Neil doesn’t go to the mall. And I doubt anyone he talks to does.” Max said, as if it were that easy.

“Susan does. All of the time.” Billy pointed out.

“Yeah, and what do you think she’s going to say to Neil? She’s smart enough to know how that conversation would end.”

Billy glanced back at Steve who was now positively beaming, bouncing on his feet even.

“You want to go baby stuff shopping don’t you?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“I really do! I get off in like twenty minutes!” Steve exclaimed, turning to run back to the break room. Billy, Max and El situated themselves in a booth, as they waited for Steve to finish up his end of shift chores.

* * *

Billy was grateful that Robin had to stay behind; he felt a little bit better after their conversation, but was glad to only have to deal with Max and El during whatever nightmare this shopping excursion would inevitably become.

As they entered Gymboree, Billy couldn’t help but smile, you know, privately, and to himself mostly, at how ecstatic Steve was. Max had dragged El towards the toy section, leaving the boys standing in the middle of the store.

But just as suddenly Steve’s face fell, spinning himself in circles a few times before landing his gaze on Billy.

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s so much stuff.”

“Yep. Most of it probably useless and ridiculously expensive.”

“Billy…”

Billy sighed and grabbed Steve’s hand. “Let’s start with the basics, huh? Kid will need clothes, right. So let’s look there.”

They stopped in front of a rack of what appeared to be baby formal wear. Which was so stupid, Billy thought. 

He grabbed something off the rack, and held it up.

“This is a baby tux. Why does a baby need a tux?”

“For the country club.” Steve deadpanned, and Billy glared at him until the other boy burst out laughing.

Steve circled the rack a few times, before stopping across from Billy. He leant down and picked up a small, pink dress with a tulle skirt and glitter.

“Billy! This is so tiny! Is it really going to be this tiny?”

“Probably. Babies are pretty small, Steve.” Steve hummed in understanding, swaying on his feet, fingering the ruffles of the dress, lip between his teeth.

Billy felt a swoop in his gut and a smile fall across his face. “You want to buy that, don’t you?”

“Maybe.” Steve said, adding more definition to his swaying, finally glancing up at Billy to match his grin. “It’s just so cute!”

“They’re baby clothes Steve, they’re all cute.”

Steve blinked, elongating his eyelashes, pouting his lip a little. Billy coughed and started scratching the back of his neck, attempting to stray Steve’s gaze.

“But what if it’s not a girl?” He tried.

“It is.” Steve said confidently, laying the dress over his arm as he went back to rifling through the clothes rack.

“What? How can you possibly know that?” Billy laughed, moving to stand behind Steve, who was fully invested now.

“I know. Can just...tell.” Steve shrugged, like it was that simple.

“You can just tell?” Billy asked skeptically, smiling despite it as Steve began piling on outfit after outfit.

“Yep.” Steve said, looking down clothes he had accumulated and shooting Billy a wink before heading to meet back up with Max and El. The girls both ooooed and awweed over the clothing, much to Billy’s chagrin.

Billy shoved his hands in his pockets and resigned himself to following the trio around, as they touched literally everything in the store, putting half of it into a shopping cart Max had commandeered.

“Steve, we’re not even going to be able to fit all of this in the Camaro. Can’t we just buy stuff in Cali?”

“But I want it now.” Steve said, like the petulant spoiled brat he was.

“Come on Billy!” Max whined. “It’s for a baby, it’s small. You can stuff it in your trunk easy.”

“You’re lucky you’re pretty.” Billy said to a satisfied Steve as he pulled out a wad of cash to pay for the mountain of stuff now sitting on the register. Most of it pink and frilly.

“This is going to be such a waste of money if this kid isn’t a girl.” He mumbled. Loud enough though, because like he knew he wasn’t going to win this argument, but the point needed to be made.

“Boys can wear this stuff too.” Max said. “I get my t-shirts from the boys section all of the time.

“Yeah, but...it’s a baby….” Billy said, cursing when he saw the price total on the register.

“Doesn’t matter because, it IS a girl. So.” Steve beamed again, layering bag after bag along his arms.

“You can’t say that, if you don’t know Harrington.” Billy said, snatching a few of the heavier bags from Steve.

“I just know!”

* * *

Later that night, as they lay in bed, Billy let his fingers roam over Steve’s stomach, feather lite touches until his hand was batted away.

“I’m trying to sleep.”

“You really think it’s a girl?” Billy asked quietly, staring as his fingers made circles around Steve’s belly button. You wouldn’t know now that Steve was pregnant, but Billy remained in awe that a living being was inside there.

“Hmmmm” Steve grunted, turning away so he could settle on his side.

“Like, there’s no way you know…” Billy tried to argue, though his tone was lighthearted.

“I just do…”

“Alright Pretty Boy. I’ll trust ya.”

“Mhmmm. She’ll be...she’s going to be beautiful.” Steve murmured before finally falling asleep.

Billy rolled onto his back, staring at the moonlight streaming through Steve’s window. He glanced at the alarm clock, it was only 9:47. Steve seemed to be wanting to go to bed earlier the past few weeks, which Billy understood, but it left him a little bored. They also hadn’t had sex in like two weeks, which for Billy was a fucking record and Steve was lucky he loved him.

Deciding he needed a beer and some late night TV, Billy kissed Steve’s forehead and headed to the Harrington’s den.

There wasn’t much on TV, at least until Carson came on at 11:30, so Billy mindlessly began flipping through the channels until he found a rerun of Cheers.

He laid back along the couch, trying to let the TV lull him to sleep. To his utter frustration, yet again his mind wandered back to thinking of his mother. He was really getting sick of how she was all he seemed to think about lately.

A memory came to the forefront. He had been 7 or 8, sitting in the backseat of their car as she drove him home from school.

A classmate of his, Devin M, parents were expecting a baby; his friend had been asked to pick two names, one if it was a boy, one if it was a girl. He had talked Billy’s ear off all day, refusing to entertain the idea he would have a little sister.

_“So he only picked boy names. Says he better have a brother.” Billy had said, rambling on about his day, his mother smiling and nodding along as she drove down the sunlit highway._

_“What was my name gonna be, mom?”_

_“What do you mean Sunshine?” His mom had asked, laughing a little._

_“If I was a girl. What was my name going to be?”_

_“Hmmm…” his mom had said, smiling even wider. “I don’t know. I never picked one. I just always knew you were going to be Billy.”_

Billy groaned at the memory, even though on the surface it was a pretty nice one. Mundane, but nice. Most of the memories of his mom were.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? That she had been such a wonderful mother up until she wasn’t. Billy truly didn’t think his heart could ever break like it did the day she left.

He closed his eyes tight, letting the memory lead to thoughts of Steve, how his face had lit up as they shopped for baby clothes, how confident he was that they were to have a little girl. Billy tried his best to let the love he felt for his growing family wash away his anxiety. His mother, she didn’t deserve to take up so much space in his head or his heart. Not now.

He found himself finally on the edge of sleep when a scream echoed through the house. Billy jolted up, heart beating out of his chest, sweat already claming up his palms.

“BILLY!” Steve called, the panic evident in his shaking voice.

Billy jumped up, and headed to the stairs, running up them two at a time. He launched himself into Steve’s room, striding over to the bed, sitting down to grab a panicked looking Steve who was sitting up, hugging his knees to his chest.

“Hey babe. I’m here, what happened?” Billy asked, even though he knew the answer, swiping Steve’s bangs from his eyes.

“Night...nightmare. I woke up, and you were gone and…”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t sleep, was down watching TV. Usual?”

“No. No...different this time.” Steve said quietly, letting himself unfurl so Billy could get a better grip on him.

“How so?”

“Demo...demogorgan...ate the baby.” Steve hiccuped.

“Shit. That’s fucked up.” Billy said, rubbing circles along Steve’s back. Before he could think better of it, he blurted out, an attempt to lighten the mood, “kind of funny though too, like. Just in one big bite? Or…”

Steve smiled before playfully shoving Billy away. “You’re an asshole, you know that right?” But his eyes were brighter, and his tears drying up.

“I’m sorry! It’s serious I know.” Billy said, moving closer to tug Steve towards him. “But you’re ok, you’re here. No monsters. Baby is still here.” Billy said, moving to place his hand over Steve’s stomach.

“It’s so...so scary...how much I love her already.” Steve said, placing his hand over Billy’s.

“I know. Same here babe.”

“Lay with me?”

“Of course.”

Billy climbed over Steve and snuck under the covers so he could spoon him from behind. He still wasn’t that tired, but this, this he could do for ages. Steve tangled his legs with Billy, pulling the comforter tight around them. Billy threaded his fingers with Steve’s, settling their joined hands on Steve’s belly. He held Steve tight, kissing his neck gently as he felt Steve’s breathe even and the tension leave his body.

Steve was getting better, Billy liked to think. His nightmares coming maybe twice a week verses almost every night. Days he worked were worse. Or if his parents called. Or couldn't see Billy for more than two days.

Billy had done a month of therapy per Owens demands. He went through the motions, but held most of what he really felt and thought back. Like he was going to trust some government lackey. Billy had concocted some bullying story, several actuzlly, all about his picture perfect family. Dad, mom, cute little sister. Boring stories, bout how they had pizza every Friday and watched Its a Wonderful Life every Christmas Eve. It was easy, too easy and Billy felt like he had won somehow when they discharged him.

He had dealt with monsters his entire life, never expected life to be anything but shitty. What the fuck did he need to dwell on that for? 

all that said, sometimes he thought maybe something like that would benefit Steve. The guy loved talking about his feelings, and while Billy could always comfort him after he had no idea how to get the terrible thoughts out of his lovers head. 

As Billy let his mind wander, stroking Steve's arms and stomach, he felt his own eyes droop.

Billy was convinced Steve had fallen back asleep but then the other boy was wiggling, and moving his legs up and down Billy’s, grazing his feet with his own. Billy remained silent until Steve moved to press his ass into Billy’s crotch.

“What are you doing?” Billy murmured into Steve’s shoulder.

“Trying to seduce you.”

“You don’t have to try” The blonde chuckled.

“Just...I’ve missed you.” Steve sighed, feeling Billy’s filling erection against his backside.

Billy untangled himself from Steve, turning the boy so he was on his back. He slowly crawled over him until his body was flush underneath him.

“You sure? I’m really ok with like, jacking off for the next nine months.” Billy said, smirking as Steve wrapped his legs around Billy’s waist with a knowing glare.

“I think I would die if we don’t have sex at all the next nine months.” He began gently caressing his hands down Billy’s biceps, placing them on his hips.

“I mean, I’ve felt so sick. But also like...so turned on. I don’t think I’ve ever been this horny in my life.”

Billy moaned at that, dropping his forehead against Steve’s chest. “Fuck Steve, you can’t say shit like that”

“Why not?” Steve said with that sweet voice he used when trying to get Billy in the mood. “I’m too tired tonight for anything crazy. Just…” He tightened his grip around Billy’s waist. “Just want to feel you.”

Billy looked up to stare into Steve’s eyes, smiled softly. He placed a quick peck to his lips and situated himself so they were face to face. Then they were kissing.

Billy decided long ago he would never get bored of missing Steve. Each time, each slide of their lips felt like the first time, electric, lightheaded, explosive, yet tender and sweet. He knew it was mushy romantic shit, but he wasn't going to deny it or fight it. Not when it always felt this good. 

And now? Knowing he and the beautiful wide eyed boy writhing beneath him felt the same, to the point he trusted Billy to build a family. Fuck. It was indescribable.

Billy took his time, moving his lips slow and gentle, waiting for Steve to set the pace. He opened his mouth further once Steve ran his tongue over Billy’s bottom lip.

Steve was only in his boxers so it didn’t take long to get him compactly naked from the waist down. Billy’s pants were unbuttoned quickly, and he didn’t bother pushing them too far down.

Billy ran his fingers down Steve’s chest, his ribs, curling around the boys hips. He ghosted over Steve’s hard length, his fingers finding Steve’s wet core.

“Fuck baby…” he said as he sunk a finger deep into Steve, the boy arching his back in response. “You’re so wet for me already.”

“Told you…” Steve panted. “Seriously so horny.”

“Well, I’m definitely going to enjoy this part.” Billy said, pumping his finger a few more times before deciding Steve was more than ready.

Billy lined himself up, catching Steve’s gaze once again. He cupped Steve’s face with his free hand, thumb caressing his cheek.

“You’re so beautiful baby.” He whispered, leaning to kiss him once again. When he came up for a breathe, Steve was smiling so bright, Billy had to close his eyes from the burn of pure bliss it brought.

“I need you...” Steve groaned, covering Billy’s hand with his own, urging him forward.

Billy pushed his hips, a deep moan escaping his lips once he felt the intense, wet warm heat of Steve engulf the tip of him. He could barely hold back, and with a peck of Steve’s lips he chose not to, sinking all the way into the older boy with one swift movement.

“Fuck.” He exclaimed, letting his forehead fall onto Steve’s shoulder. “Fuck baby...you feel amazing. Shit, never been this wet for me.”

Steve shifted his hips up to meet Billy’s, encouraging him to move. “Billy, I’m so close already. Fuck!”

Billy laughed in disbelief. Steve was always one to hold on as long as he could, enjoying the tease of it. Billy had never made Steve come in less than ten minutes, at least. This development caused a jolt through his cock, Steve’s walls already tightening around him.

“Jesus, Steve. So hot. Fuck.”

“Fuck...yes, Billy. I need you to fuck me, please. I need it…”

Billy slowed his pace, pushing himself up on his hands, so he was hovering over Steve.

“Are you sure baby? I...want to be...careful.”

“It’s fine, I promise. You won’t hurt the baby, if that’s want you’re worried about.”

Billy blushed, not wanting to admit that was his thought process. But his fears vanished as Steve tightened around his cock once again.

“Won’t take long...I’m gonna come Billy. Fuck…”

Billy took that as his cue, falling to his elbows, burying his face in Steve’s neck. He quickened his pace, the moans Steve released encouraging him to go even faster, harder until he was pounding his hips flush against the boy beneath him.

“Billy...I...fuck. Ahhh...I love you…” Steve said, Billy nuzzling his face deeper into Steve’s neck, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses. They had never said that during sex and it sent a shock of pleasure so instense right to Billy’s groin, he quickened his pace to a speed he never had before.

“Fuck Steve, love you too baby.”

He hit Steve with another thrust and without warning the boy under him was coming, spilling between their stomachs, fluttering around Billy’s cock. Steve was so loud. Usually he froze when he came, mouth open in a silent scream. Not this time.

“Oh fuck Billy! Oh fuck, I’m coming. Oh god, I’m coming!” He moaned, his legs around Billy’s waist trembling, eyes closed tight, head thrown back into the pillow.

“Can feel you baby, feel so good.” Billy kept his pace, fucking Steve through his orgasm, his own building deep in his gut. He was prepared to work hard to get off quick, Steve usually was too sensitive to let Billy take his time if he came first. But to Billy’s surprise, he could feel Steve’s cock, smushed between their stomachs, fill up once again.

“Fuck Steve…”

“You feel so good Bill. Don’t stop, I’m gonna…”

“Gonna come again for me baby?” Billy asked in awe. “Fuck, babe. Come for me again. Need to feel it.”

“Faster…” Steve panted, his cock now red and throbbing. “I’m gonna...oh god!” The boy arched his back and came again, tightening around Billy with such intensity the blonde was filling Steve up with no warning. Fuck it felt so good.

“Oh shit babe, I’m coming for you. Gonna fill you up…” Billy came harder than he ever had before, maintaining his pace as he pumped deep into Steve, shaking with pleasure. The combination of it all, their sweat mingling, Steve’s cum smeared between them, Steve continuing to tighten around Billy, Steve’s guttural sobs, it was so intense. Billy groaned deep, thrusting until he physically couldn’t anymore, dick softening inside Steve.

He lay on top of the brunette for a while, breaths mingling, coming down from their highs. Once Billy felt he had some semblance of reality come back to him, he slowly pulled out of Steve, and collapsed beside him.

Steve began giggling beside him, turning to pat Billy’s face gently before placing several pecks on his mouth.

“I think I like being pregnant.”

Billy huffed a laugh, eyes closed, still dizzy with pleasure.

“I think I like you being pregnant too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think two more chapter of what I'm looking at as Part One; before we are introduced to Billys mother.
> 
> More angst and exploration of Billys relationship with his mom to come. 
> 
> Thanks for all your mind words :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I’ve ignored this story for too long. Have been revisiting it and hope to finish it up. This chapter really wasn’t planned when I initially outlined the story, but months of ruminating on it got me this. 
> 
> This story is about Billy and his relationship with his mom, but before we get deep into that I wanted to show what Billy was missing from a proper parental figure. Hopper to the rescue. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and if I should continue this!

Billy woke up the day he and Steve were to leave for California alone. 

Steve always woke up after Billy; in fact Billy often had to wake his boyfriend up, starting out gentle with a caress to his face, quiet whispers, before graduating to more aggressive tactics like shaking the mattress. “Earthquake!” he would yell, until Steve finally showed signs of life, eventually falling into a fit of giggles. 

So that morning, with Steve’s side of the bed cold and the clock reading 7:27 AM, Billy shot up like a lightning bolt. 

He didn’t even bother to put on pants before racing downstairs, running around like a wild man. He had one shoe already on and was hopping towards the living room to grab his shirt, the remnants of some pretty intense sex the duo had had on the couch the night before, only to have a note tacked to the Harrington’s pristine refrigerator catch his eye. 

“ _Went to the diner with the kids. Be back soon, love Steve.”_

Billy crumpled the letter, tossing it into a corner of the kitchen before ripping off his shoe and stomping back upstairs. The kids. Of course. He wasn’t jealous. Not at all. It was just...

Max was one of “the kids”. And sure, she and El and Hopper and Joyce, and little Byers as Billy called him, had thrown them a small going away party the day before. Steve gripping Billy’s hand tight, eyes sparkling with love, whispering to Billy how proud Hop and Joyce were of him. Billy didn’t buy that for a second, if anything the group would miss Steve the most. 

But he had thought, if anything, some of the kids would want to see him too, for a final send off. Fuck the little nerds. Billy sighed loudly as he lay harshly onto Steve’s bed. His kid would be way cooler. And have better manners. 

He knew he should get up and start packing up the Camaro, not that he and Steve had much to bring along. A record player, some of Billy’s books Max had snuck out for him, a few small pieces of furniture Steve had taken from his moms office that had been collecting dust. A big box of baby clothes, the ones Steve had bought and some Joyce had put together. Tears in her eyes as she had handed them over, staring straight into Billy’s soul saying, “I’ve always wanted a grand baby, so thank you.” Billy had had to swallow the lump in his throat and hightail it to the car before he started crying right there in Hopper’s driveway. 

But Billy let his anger and fear melt into his bones, deciding a few more hours of shut eye would be worth it. But as soon as he slipped into darkness, the door bell shocked him awake. 

He had no clue who would be ringing the Harrington’s door bell at almost 8 in the morning, but he figured it wouldn’t be any business of Mr and Mrs. Steve said they always insisted business associates call or arrange a meeting elsewhere. Billy assumed it was something like Jehovah Witnesses and thus had no shame in answering the door in his boxers. 

He did not expect one Jim Hopper to be on the other side. 

“Hey kid. Putting on a show for the neighbors?” He smirked, not waiting to be invited in, stepping around Billy. He was in his uniform, granted it was a Thursday. But still. Billy let himself feel slightly embarrassed about his attire before deciding fuck it. 

Billy smirked and followed Hopper into the living room. He was sitting in the big sofa lounger, the one across the dainty floral print chair. He gestured for Billy to sit down. 

“Need to discuss a few things with you.”

Billy didn’t say anything just glared right back at Hopper. The two weren’t exactly...chummy as far as Billy saw it. Hopper had tried to get Billy to turn his dad in after the nurses informed the chief of Billy’s multiple healed fractures and scars after Starcourt, too old and ragged to be from recent events. 

But where that would have caused the boy to lose respect for the policeman, Billy instead grew an appreciation when the man just as quickly dropped it at Billy’s insistence. Instead of dealing with court orders and police interrogations, Hop instead insisted Billy join his Brady Bunch of a family for dinner every Sunday. In exchange Billy pretended not to notice the man suddenly start patrolling his street with added frequency. 

They had a mutual respect for one another. Hopper handled all the government shit Billy didn’t feel like touching. Was a man about it, took charge. Billy liked that. And tried to ignore the irony of respecting Hopper for it when he loathed his dad for preaching it. His dad was a paper man, as he often tried to use toward Billy as an insult. Hopper, he was a real man. Neil couldn’t hold a candle to him. Billy was humble enough to admit that. Didn’t mean he liked the chief butting into his life. 

So while he appreciated a visit from Hopper before he left town, the man’s stern face was having him question letting him into the house. 

“Ok...shoot old man.” Billy tried to quip, hoping Hop wouldn’t notice the slight shake of his hands. 

Hopper’s eyes bore into him with such intensity, it was like looking at the sun. As much as Billy wanted to give it right back, he couldn’t, giving into what he assumed Hopper wanted in this moment. Let himself be a kid. Small, but attentive. 

“I ever tell you I had a daughter before El?” Hopper finally said, licking his chapped lips. 

Billy just shook his head. Hop had his attention now. 

“Sarah. Was her name.”

Billy just kept staring.

“Man when her mom told me she was pregnant...” Hop finally broke his gaze, staring at his open palms. Vulnerable in a way Billy had never seen him. He was entranced. 

“I was scared fucking shitless. Felt like a little boy. What the hell was I gonna do with a kid? It was just...” the man paused and took off his hat, looking at Billy once again. “I’ve been scared, especially these last few years. Fight demons or whatever you want to call them. Thought El was...was going to be taken from me. Went through all that and still nothing has been as...”

“Horrifying?” Billy finishes, his voice suddenly hoarse, mouth dry. 

“Yeah.” Hop agreed. “Horrifying.”

Billy took the silence that followed as an opening. “What..what happened to her?”

“She died. Cancer. She was 8.”

Billy’s heart fell into his stomach. Fuck. _Fuck_. Fuck Hopper too, what the shit was this? But before he could settle on his next words, unsure if he wanted to curse the old man out for scaring him more or offer his condolences, Hopper sat up even straighter and pointed a finger at Billy. Not in the same way as Neil would, no bite behind it. Not in a way that said “I have the power” but rather in a manner that communicated “I know more than you about this but I care. So listen”

Billy swallowed thickly. Nodding his head ever so slightly, encouraging Hopper to continue. 

“You’re gonna be scared. That’s ok. You’ll be so scared you think you’ll shatter. Because you’ll love that kid in a way you’ve never fathomed love exists. And it might break you. Because that’s life. Sometimes it’s hurt. Sometimes you have to face it. Means you’re alive.”

Billy was enthralled. His breath hitched. His eyes unblinking, absorbing Hop’s every word into his skin. 

“But fuck, if it won’t be worth it. You first lay eyes on it, nothing else will fucking matter. None of it. They’ll be all you got.”

Billy just kept staring. His heart pounding, throat closing up. Butterflies in his stomach. 

“I like you kid. Wish I could have...done more for you. But fuck, I’ve tried. You’re stubborn. But you got a good head on your shoulders, you don’t take shit from most people and you know what you want. You want this? A family? You earn it, you understand? Steve...I’ll be honest, I could give two shits about the kid. His parents, couldn’t stand them in high school, sure I couldn’t stand them now. He’s spoiled.”

Billy smirked at that, huffed out a laugh in agreement. Let Hopper carry on. 

“But Joyce...she reminded me, he’s a good kid. Delicate. He loves different than men like you and me. What might break you, will...”

“Kill him.” Billy finished. 

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do, because I’m not your father. But I will say this because it’s honest and no one else will. I can’t tell you what will happen, kid. But I do know it won’t all be rainbows and unicorns, right? You hold that boy up, yeah? You take care of him, whatever comes your way?”

Billy didn’t even realize he was nodding his head furiously. His bones vibrating in agreement, of course! Or course he would take care of Steve. 

“I promise sir.”

“Not sir. Just Jim.” Hop said, like it was that easy. 

“Ok...erm..Jim. I promise.”

“Good!” Jim slapped his knees and got up, putting his hat back on. Billy stayed quiet, silently stunned. Finally got up when Hopper opened the front door. Billy scrambled after him, stopping a few feet shy of the entry way. 

“Thanks Jim....ahh. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” Jim said, sliding a cigarette he’d grabbed from his front pocket between his teeth. 

“Umm...it’s gonna be ok, right?” Billy found himself asking quietly. Didn’t even know why, the words tumbling out of his mouth like drool. He felt like a child, like when he would ask his mom before bed, or a party at school, “tell me it will be fine, mom please!”

“Can’t promise you that kid. Just love, yeah?” 

Billy nodded, wide eyed, as Jim gave him a salute and shut the door. Billy didn’t realize he had fallen to the floor, until his tears hit his knees, hugged tight to his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts! I would love to continue, have the next few chapters mapped out.
> 
> This fic doesn’t really go into specifics about the Mpreg; it just assumes some males can have children. This fic is more about the relationships and drama etc.


End file.
